Oh, is that the TIME?

"Every second is of infinite value" - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe...

Well, that's great, except you can't actually sell time.

Quit yer whingin'! I mean, honestly. It's not a case of you not having enough time, it's a case of you having too much work to do. I really don't care for people who whinge about having 'so much to do and so little time'. You know why? It's because it's ALWAYS the people who push their workload to the extreme. It's never a case of "Oh, well she said to do an essay about something we're interested in, so I'll do one about puffins.", it's "Oh, well she said to do an essay about something we're interested in, so I'll write mine about THE ENTIRE SODDING WORLD! What a great idea, I'm sure I can handle it!". And you always end up getting a D grade. Idiots, honestly. No one ever gained anything from doing extra unnecessary work. Sure, go ahead and put loads of effort into what you ARE going to do, but don't do extra because THERE'S NO POINT!

I have a friend who does nothing but whinge about work. I don't think I've ever had a conversation with her that wasn't either about dwarfs or English coursework. That's not fun! Seriously, you're doing yourself no favours with that attitude. Care less, it's more entertaining. At least don't moan to me about not having any time. I have too much time, if anything. That's even more annoying, I feel awful for not filling it up with useful and insightful blogging work. You have no idea! I'm always sure that I have too much time because I haven't been doing any useful work, or I've forgotten to write my 500 words for the day. A novel is like a child, it needs care and attention. But I still have enough time to devour 1.5 books every day. Yep, I can spend entire hours just sat in the warm and dry in front of the telly with a book, listening to music and texting people on my phone, while cramming cold pizza into my cakehole. Am I making you jealous yet? WORK LESS.

According to lead scientists (Note: The Intelligent Blonde ® is not responsible for lies and made up 'facts'), YOUR life should be split up into 3 parts. Note the lack of the word equal between '3' and 'parts'. These three parts are as follows:

• Socialising. Important, obviously. If you neglect your friends, they will ignore you. Trust me, I've ignored many a friend who's been too busy working. But then, workaholics just aren't my type. Anyway, if you have no friends, who will be there to scream 'DON'T JUMP!!!' or make you fat at Christmas? No one. Besides, it's fun. If you have any friends to start with, obviously. Friends are a laugh. Fact. Friends kill 99% of all bacteria. Fact. But seriously, approximately 35% of your time should be spent socialising, be it through the phone or actually face to face.
• Not working. The human body can only take so much pressure you know. You have to unwind. If you happen to have a handy back condition such a spine that is too straight, or you are prone to high blood pressure, then it is VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU DON'T DO TOO MUCH WORK. This is a serious, truthful health warning. (Note: The Intelligent Blonde ® 's definition of truth may or may not differ from the dictionary definition of truth) Some people may find it very difficult to unwind and may need to spend more time than usual not working. These people make up 999,999 people out of every 1,000,000. It is estimated that 60% of your time should be spent not working.
• Working. Well, if you don't have any money, you can't afford pizza and books. Hey! Don't complain to me that that's unfair. Life isn't fair, young ones. If it was I would be able to magic my book into existence instead of having to actually write it! Only 5% of your time should be devoted to this, because wages are so crap, and the law of diminishing returns means that you get less and less money the more you work! Well, money, or grades, or whatever. Potatoes, if you live in Ireland. Potato cakes if you live in Oirland.

So, young ones, make sure that you spend your time well, or you may end up being a boring old fart with no friends and not enough time. Work less. Enjoy your TIME while you don't have too much of it. Quit your complaining.

Exams or Coursework - The Age Old Question

US GIRLS JUST CAN'T HELP BUT BE SMARTER THAN YOU...

Yes, it's our fault. Didn't you know? Oh yes, it always used to be exams. Sweet, revisable exams... But no, you men had to be inferior to us (as per usual) and that's why we have coursework. Of course, there are advantages to coursework, and to exams, so here are the pros (In green) and cons (In red) of each:


Exams:

• Give you a great feeling afterwards if you think you did well.
• Revision can be fun if you do it with mates.
• It gives you an excuse to be stressy out of people, skive off lessons if you're 'feeling faint', and beg teachers to 'Just let us have 5 minutes to revise for biology!!'.
• You get to sit for 1 or more hours in total silence! No annoying chatty idiots to cheese you off!
• If you're incredibly self-confident and laid back, you can sit back and laugh at those getting stressed out by exams! (Note: This is not advised by the Intelligent Blonde ® Health and Safety Team - May result in loss of friends, teeth and straight noses)
• Revision can be incredibly dull.
• May lead to high stress levels and all of the health issues associated with stress.

• Sometimes you can do really badly in an exam and certain annoyingly stuck-up friends will criticise you for not revising enough, when in actual fact you did badly because your head was spinning and you felt like you were dangling upside down from the ceiling (Note: This may or may not have been written in advance for the results of some certain science exams)

Coursework:

• Supposedly it's a good way of boosting your overall grade if you aren't very good at taking exams. 
• You can get help with it. Apparently.
• You get a reasonable amount of time to get it done. Apparently.
• Exam stress usually doesn't follow you throughout an entire academic year. Only when you actually have exams. The average school student of coursework age will be in the process of writing roughly 2 or 3 pieces of coursework at any one time. Coursework stress is the killer of 100,000 school children every academic year. Just £200 a month can relieve a child by providing a trained monkey to write their coursework for them. These children need your help. Please send your money to 'Intelligent Blonde, 5 Snamsley Road'...
• Sometimes your coursework is just not good enough. Exams can be retaken. Coursework can be rewritten. But that doesn't make it any less annoying.
• Not everyone is good at getting things done on time (Note: this does not relate to this blog in any way, shape, or form.). Having five pieces of coursework hanging over you is really irritating.
• Having coursework spread out through the year only serves to constantly cripple your social life, all year long.

So apparently there are advantages and dis-- Oh right... My point is, coursework works well for some people, but why did they bring it in for boys? I hate to generalise, but every single male is a lazy slob who never gets anything done on time. Unfortunately, being an honorary man, I am included in that. But as I have the intelligence of a woman, I'm fine with exams. Exams ftw!