Exams or Coursework - The Age Old Question

US GIRLS JUST CAN'T HELP BUT BE SMARTER THAN YOU...

Yes, it's our fault. Didn't you know? Oh yes, it always used to be exams. Sweet, revisable exams... But no, you men had to be inferior to us (as per usual) and that's why we have coursework. Of course, there are advantages to coursework, and to exams, so here are the pros (In green) and cons (In red) of each:


Exams:

• Give you a great feeling afterwards if you think you did well.
• Revision can be fun if you do it with mates.
• It gives you an excuse to be stressy out of people, skive off lessons if you're 'feeling faint', and beg teachers to 'Just let us have 5 minutes to revise for biology!!'.
• You get to sit for 1 or more hours in total silence! No annoying chatty idiots to cheese you off!
• If you're incredibly self-confident and laid back, you can sit back and laugh at those getting stressed out by exams! (Note: This is not advised by the Intelligent Blonde ® Health and Safety Team - May result in loss of friends, teeth and straight noses)
• Revision can be incredibly dull.
• May lead to high stress levels and all of the health issues associated with stress.

• Sometimes you can do really badly in an exam and certain annoyingly stuck-up friends will criticise you for not revising enough, when in actual fact you did badly because your head was spinning and you felt like you were dangling upside down from the ceiling (Note: This may or may not have been written in advance for the results of some certain science exams)

Coursework:

• Supposedly it's a good way of boosting your overall grade if you aren't very good at taking exams. 
• You can get help with it. Apparently.
• You get a reasonable amount of time to get it done. Apparently.
• Exam stress usually doesn't follow you throughout an entire academic year. Only when you actually have exams. The average school student of coursework age will be in the process of writing roughly 2 or 3 pieces of coursework at any one time. Coursework stress is the killer of 100,000 school children every academic year. Just £200 a month can relieve a child by providing a trained monkey to write their coursework for them. These children need your help. Please send your money to 'Intelligent Blonde, 5 Snamsley Road'...
• Sometimes your coursework is just not good enough. Exams can be retaken. Coursework can be rewritten. But that doesn't make it any less annoying.
• Not everyone is good at getting things done on time (Note: this does not relate to this blog in any way, shape, or form.). Having five pieces of coursework hanging over you is really irritating.
• Having coursework spread out through the year only serves to constantly cripple your social life, all year long.

So apparently there are advantages and dis-- Oh right... My point is, coursework works well for some people, but why did they bring it in for boys? I hate to generalise, but every single male is a lazy slob who never gets anything done on time. Unfortunately, being an honorary man, I am included in that. But as I have the intelligence of a woman, I'm fine with exams. Exams ftw!

Winning and Losing

TO WIN OR NOT TO WIN - THAT IS THE QUESTION (but not in Shakespeare)

It is entirely possible that in some situations there are advantages to both winning and losing. However, it is important to note that your popularity may change depending on whether you win a lot or lose a lot.

Here are some facts made up by The Intelligent Blonde™Research Team:

(bold indicates things that improve popularity, italics indicates things that decrease popularity)

Winners:

• People will admire you for your skill
• People may stalk you if they believe you are good luck (Note: these people can be scared off by walking under a ladder)
• People may not want to play games or get in competition with you if they know there is no hope
• No one likes someone who boasts or gloats or claims to be better than everyone even if they actually are!

Losers:

• People will love to play against you! Your failure is providing others with a self-confidence boost
• People may feel sorry for you, and sympathy is hilariously easy to take advantage of!
• You will be the first person that people consider getting rid of, and you may not be chosen for teams
• People may avoid you if they believe your stupidity and/or bad luck may rub off on them. In this situation, it is always better not to walk under ladders or break any mirrors.

So as you can see, it is best to both win and lose occasionally, but mostly come somewhere in the middle. That way you will get most of the popularity benefits with none of the drawbacks!

Here are some tips for how to not be a winner OR a loser:

• Pair up with your opposite! You will balance each other out and all will be happy!
• Always be nice to the winner or loser - Other people will respect you for behaving maturely.
• NEVER EVER EVER boast or throw a tantrum if you win or lose.
• If your winning streak leads to people asking you for help, don't go on about how you do it, go on about how they should do it. They don't want to hear about you - They already know.

So basically... Don't be a loser - Or a winner!

Chewing Gum

IS CHEWING GUM REALLY ALL IT'S CHEWED UP TO BE?

Well the simple answer is yes. Just yes.

Chewing gum is the simple and tasty solution to many problems:

1. Not/Being noticed in class (Delete as appropriate)?

• Chewing gum is guaranteed to draw someone's attention to you! Especially if you talk with your mouth really wide open, blow bubbles, or just chew obviously!
• OR! If you need a reason to be more shady in class... Well, you've all heard of the teacher who has a 'Leave a piece, take a piece' jar... That should be enough to make anyone avoid all eye contact and learning...

2. Are you overweight, but just can't stop eating?

• Limit yourself to a small number of bits of gum per day, and have a loved one hide the rest away! That way you'll want to make it last as long as you can, therefore making you eat less, as you wouldn't want to waste a piece that's only been in your mouth for 3 hours!
• You can't eat with chewing gum in your mouth. You just can't, it's gross. You get all crumbs and stuff in it, which makes it mank. It just does.

3. Fed up of your friends accusing you of being stupidly talkative?

• Cram 7 pieces of gum in at once! You WON'T be able to move your jaws*
• Chew gum that has a horrible smell! Your friends will never want you to open your mouth, and you wouldn't want to scare them away, would you? WOULD YOU?
• If you chew enough gum, it'll gradually build up around your teeth and after a while, glue your jaws together!

Of course, these are only some of the many advantages of gum! The following are some thingies I won't be able to go into detail about:

-Putting gum in people's hair**

-Putting gum in people's shoelaces (It's really annoying)**

-Making gum sculptures

I could(n't) go on for hours!

*The Intelligent Blonde™ is not responsible for any choking or gum related accidents. You chew gum at your own risk.

**The Intelligent Blonde™ is also not responsible for general annoyingness and unpopularity. Or messiness. Or the cost of gum.

Participation

IS PARTICIPATION REALLY ALL IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE?

Well, the simple answer is yes and no.

Some people like to participate and some people don't. I like to think that there are 3 types of participation

1. Within a large group (for example a class at school or as a member of a community)

Participating within a large group is pointless and should never be attempted for the following reasons:

• Your opinion will never count for anything, even if it's the RIGHT opinion.
• You will never recieve any reward for your effort - It will simply be fiiltered down the masses until all that is left is a single malteser.
• Why would you want to bother anyway, the people you're helping are idiots!

2. Within a team

• Participating within teams may or may not be fun, depending on whether you are appreciated or not and whether the task allocated to you, be it goalkeeping or bookkeeping or even beekeeping is enjoyable.
• Participating within a team is more likely to get you material rewards!
• Participating within a team requires that you at least TRY to get on with your fellow teammates - For at least 90% of the population this is incredibly difficult and it is unlikely that there will ever be a team in which there is not at least one idiot.

3. Within your circle of friends

• Participation within your friends is probably the most common type of participation. It's fun, easy, and more often than not free!
• You will get rewarded by doing things with your friends - The only fly in the ointment is that the reward will be something you already think you have: the best friends in the world (Actually mine are the best so yours aren't really that amazing!).
• When you're with your friends, it's slightly more unlikely that someone will cheese you off - But remember, every group of friends has a wasp!

I personally think that there are a number of things you must consider when you are questioning whether to participate or not:

What will you get out of it?

Can someone else do it?

And finally and most important...

Will you end up so stressed out that you get chronic back pain and hypertension and spend the rest of your life on several different types of medication, only for the anger to culminate in a single, bloody chainsaw massacre?