Chewing Gum

IS CHEWING GUM REALLY ALL IT'S CHEWED UP TO BE?

Well the simple answer is yes. Just yes.

Chewing gum is the simple and tasty solution to many problems:

1. Not/Being noticed in class (Delete as appropriate)?

• Chewing gum is guaranteed to draw someone's attention to you! Especially if you talk with your mouth really wide open, blow bubbles, or just chew obviously!
• OR! If you need a reason to be more shady in class... Well, you've all heard of the teacher who has a 'Leave a piece, take a piece' jar... That should be enough to make anyone avoid all eye contact and learning...

2. Are you overweight, but just can't stop eating?

• Limit yourself to a small number of bits of gum per day, and have a loved one hide the rest away! That way you'll want to make it last as long as you can, therefore making you eat less, as you wouldn't want to waste a piece that's only been in your mouth for 3 hours!
• You can't eat with chewing gum in your mouth. You just can't, it's gross. You get all crumbs and stuff in it, which makes it mank. It just does.

3. Fed up of your friends accusing you of being stupidly talkative?

• Cram 7 pieces of gum in at once! You WON'T be able to move your jaws*
• Chew gum that has a horrible smell! Your friends will never want you to open your mouth, and you wouldn't want to scare them away, would you? WOULD YOU?
• If you chew enough gum, it'll gradually build up around your teeth and after a while, glue your jaws together!

Of course, these are only some of the many advantages of gum! The following are some thingies I won't be able to go into detail about:

-Putting gum in people's hair**

-Putting gum in people's shoelaces (It's really annoying)**

-Making gum sculptures

I could(n't) go on for hours!

*The Intelligent Blonde™ is not responsible for any choking or gum related accidents. You chew gum at your own risk.

**The Intelligent Blonde™ is also not responsible for general annoyingness and unpopularity. Or messiness. Or the cost of gum.